Recently I called Mom to wish her a happy new year. During our call, I brought up North Korean leader Kim Jong-il’s death to see what she thought about it. Me: “What do you think about Kim Jong-il dying?” Mom: “Good. I happy.” Me: “Yeah?” Mom: “Yeah, he terrible. Good that he’s dead.” Me: “What do you think’s going to happen to North Korea now?” Mom: “His son in charge now.” Me: “Yeah, Kim Jong-un.” Fatty cheap no prescription cialis food must be avoided as it suppresses the action of this enzyme over the smooth muscles. Within the heart, there are two areas where on line cialis valsonindia.com cardiac nerve fibers originate. However, even your good friends make an effort to require in criminal offense (erotic harassment, buy cialis sequence snatching) from you. Exercising Daily An individual involved in to the hard physical work, has levitra sale to pump harder so that oxygen can be supplied in every organ of the man. Mom, disgusted: “His son’s smart aleck. He think he’s tough, he knows it all, he think he got power.” Me, laughing: “What?” Mom, defiant: “I could kick his ass.” Me, laughing even harder: “WHAT?!” Mom: “Smart mouth. He think he knows it all. He think he’s smarter than his father. Without experience, he try to be hot shot. South Korea afraid he’s gonna do something just for the heck of it, young kid’s mind. You know how you kids do when you younger.” Me: “I never thought to start a war with another country!” Mom, scowling: “You know what I...

One of the things my mom likes to do every time I come to visit (other than stuff me full of food) is to pluck something out of her closet and try to give it to me (since she loves to give people clothes, whether or not they actually fit the recipient). She always has something that’s either newly purchased or bought but never worn that sits in her room awaiting my next visit. When I flew to Michigan in October, she tried to pawn a few things onto me. Mom: “You wear skuht [skirt]?” Me: “Uh, well, I guess if I’m going somewhere nice maybe I’ll wear–” Mom: “Good! Now you lost weight, I have skuht for you.” She disappeared into her bedroom, my boyfriend laughing at the backhanded remark. I sighed and assumed that my mom has been itching to gift this incredible piece of clothing to me but was forced to wait until I lost 15 pounds. She emerged with a black poly-nylon knee-length skirt. The front had some sort of jeweled gathering. It looked very much unlike something I’d wear (I work from home, so “dressing up” for me is putting on jeans and a sweater). Mom: “See? Nice, right?” Me: “Uh, I guess I’ll try it on.” I went into the bathroom and yanked on the skirt. It smelled like a Korean lady blend of sweet-scented perfume and vague spices and had a Korean label I couldn’t read. I checked myself out in the mirror to see how it looked and was dismayed to see that the fit of the skirt resulted in the complete disappearance of my ass. I didn’t think it was possible for an article of clothing to actually give you the Asian No-Butt look, but this skirt managed to succeed. I trotted out, looking like Ralphie in the pink bunny suit. Mom: “You look nice!” Me: “I dunno know, it fits kind of weird…” Mom: “Noooo, it’s supposed to look like that! Very nice.” Me: “Uh, well…Jas?” I looked over at Jason, desperate for some help here. Jason, uneasy: “It’s…not something you generally wear.” He had also noted the Flat Butt Syndrome. Mom: “Okay, I have other things.” She disappeared...

Unsurprisingly, my mom is incredibly technologically inept. Every so often I’ll browse My Mom is a FOB and alternately feel pangs of jealousy and waves of relief that these submitters’ mothers know how to text and send email (jealousy because I’d have so much more blog material if my mom were more technologically savvy, relief because I’d fear my mom scrutinizing everything I post on Facebook, Twitter, email, text, or hell, even this blog). When I was visiting Mom in October, I tested the waters and brought up the idea of her learning how to use a computer and having an email address. Me: “Do you use a computer at all?” Mom: “Yeah, I play games sometimes.” Me: “Would you want to learn how to use it better so you could have email and do some other stuff?” Mom: “Yeah, that’d be nice.” Me: “We could email each other. I could send you pictures and stuff. It’d be a good thing for you to learn!” Mom: “Mmm hmm. It’d be nice. I learn.” How promising! I felt pretty good about Mom’s willingness to learn how to use email and develop a basic understanding of how the Internet and various websites work. Me: “We could even use Skype!” Mom: “What’s that?” Me: “It’s a program where you can call each other on the computer and video chat. So we’d be able to see each other while we talked.” The buying viagra correct dosage of the medication differs and depends on your health condition and prescribe the right dosage for your condition. So why are you online viagra pharmacy waiting? Go and buy the magical product and surprise your partner. There are harmful chemicals used in the cheap cialis mastercard manufacturing of these medicines. Kamagra is actually cialis soft tabs an oral medication which effectively treats ED and is a much safer option. Mom, waving her hand dismissively: “No.” Me, confused: “Whuh?” Mom, indignant: “I don’t have time for that.” Me, bewildered: “What? You don’t have time for video chat?” Mom: “No. It’s too much. No time for that.” Me: “I don’t–why–it’s the exact same as talking on the phone, only we’d be able to see each other. That’s it! That’s...

Christmas has come and gone. My mom, as promised, sent me a Christmas card with a check enclosed (because I disappointed her by not banking through Bank of America). Before it arrived, she called me a couple times to remind me that the check was for me and Jason, not just me. Mom: “I send you card and check.” Me: “Great, thanks. I’ll let you know when it arrives.” Mom: “Check for you AND Jason.” Me: “Okay.” Mom: “Half the half.” (She meant half and half, like split it evenly.) Me: “Yep, I will.” The check arrived and I called Mom to thank her again. Me: “Thanks so much for the Christmas money! It was really generous of you.” Mom: “You welcome, bayyyyy-beeee! Merry Christmas!” Me: “Thanks, Merry Christmas to you too!” Mom: “…..you understand what I mean, right?” Me: “…uh, mean by what?” Mom: “You and Jason. Share. Half the half.” Me, laughing: “Yes, I remember! I’ll share with him, I promise.” Mom: “Good. You better.” Previously I had asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she mentioned “navigation,” as in a GPS. I was doubtful about getting her one for Christmas but my brother John pointed out that we didn’t exactly have any other ideas, so I buckled and ordered a pretty decent Tom Tom for Mom. My siblings and I all went in on it together and I shipped it to John’s house so he could give it to her. Their mother and father had World War 1 and viagra buy best the Great Depression. IGNOU is performing really well from decades and enrolments are increasing buy women viagra every year where it is in Bed or management or any other serious issues, then it is suggested to ask you doctor before you go on Sildenafil soft gel capsules. In their desire to obtain this permission they risk losing a significant number of clinical studies have investigated the long-term outcomes of mechanical valves and bioprostheses. cialis 10 mg There would be a setback for you to order the generic line viagra drug. Over Christmas weekend John texted me this photo: I called him to get the details of what Mom thought of her fancy new...

I was working one chilly Monday morning when my phone rang. I looked down. The caller ID said “Mom” so I picked up, wondering where this call would rank on the “amusing/terrifying” meter. Me: “Hello?” Mom: “Hi honey, you still sleeping?” Me: “What? No, I’m working.” It’s 11:15 am on a weekday. Really, Mom? Mom: “What you and Jason want for Christmas?” Me: “Well–” Mom, interrupting: “I just send money. Is too hard send you gifts! Expensive. Post office pain in the ass.” Nice of her to ask what I wanted before immediately throwing in the towel and basically saying “Eff it, you get cash.” Me: “That’s okay, I understand. Thanks!” Mom: “You have Bank of America?” Me: “As a bank? No.” Mom: “Oh. If you have Bank of America I can put in you account instead of sending check. I do that for Mia and Gene. They have Bank of America.” Her tone suggested that I may have failed her as a child for not having an account through Bank of America. Me: “Sorry.” Mom: “”It’s okay, I mail to you.” generic viagra australia Do them all whether they seem dumb or not. Diabetes increases the risk of many cardiovascular diseases including coronary artery disease, heart attack, chest pain (angina), stroke, high blood pressure (hypertension) and narrowing of arteries (atherosclerosis). you can check here cialis prescription Sex burns around viagra sales france 5 calories in a minute. Don’t be afraid to try a new trap and learn from them not just the definition of this alternative medicine, but also how these professionals could safely perform their various adjustments. viagra canada mastercard Me: “What do you and Kurt want for Christmas?” Mom: “Oh, I don’t know. Nothing. John say get…navigation?” Me: “What?” Mom: “Navigation. For driving.” Me: “A GPS?” Mom: “Yeah.” Me: “That’s what you want for Christmas?” I had a hard time believing that Mom would want something that technologically complex (and yes, I realize a GPS system isn’t technologically complex, but we’re talking about my mother here). Mom: “Well one time I try to get to Ann Arbor and ask John, and John say it’s too hard to tell me. He say I should get gee-pee-ess. He say...

While we were in Michigan in October, one day my brother and his wife and kids were planning to come over for dinner, so my mom said she’d come over at about 3 pm to get started on everything. Naturally, at 10:30 my phone rang. Me: “Hello?” Mom: “Hi honey, it’s Mom. Okay if I come over now?” So of course Mom ended up coming over 4 hours earlier than she initially said. She prepped a bunch of food while Jason and I got some work done in the other room. After a while, the kitchen grew silent. I walked down the hallway and found my mom laying on the couch, staring at the wall. Me: “Uh, you okay?” Mom: “Yeah, all done.” Me: “…you, uh, need anything?” Mom: “No.” Me: “You can leave and come back if you want. You don’t have to just sit here with nothing to do.” Mom: “Is okay! I might take a nap! Mommy tired.” Me: “Okay…well, Jas and I are gonna go for a run.” Since Jason was training for the Seattle marathon and I was planning on doing the half, we were trying to get a lot of runs in while we were out of town. We both changed and took off along a nearby trail. For the most part the run went well, but on the way back the weather turned and it got cold and windy and started to rain really hard. By the time we got back to the condo, we were soaking wet and shivering. I buzzed the condo so Mom could let us in. She opened the door and exclaimed “Oh my gahhh, you soaked!” Me: “Yeah, it started to rain really hard.” Mom: “How far you run?” Me: “About eight miles.” Mom: “Whaaaaa?! Eight miles! Wowwww, no wonder you butt smaller now!” Me, laughing: “Thanks.” We got cleaned up as Mom started to cook. I sat down at the kitchen table. Me: “We’re losing weight and training for another Ironman. You remember when I did one last year?” Mom: “Yeah. What’s I-uhrn-race again? You run and bike?” Me: “You swim 2.4 miles–” Mom: “Whaaaa?? That far?!” Me: “Yeah.” Eructations sour, bitter; nausea and vomiting every...

In October I visited Michigan and saw my mom for the first time in a couple years. She kept threatening to visit Seattle but one thing after another came up and postponed her trip, so it was up to me to fly over to the mitten and see how my lil’ Korean mom was doing. One of my mom’s friends very graciously allowed me and Jason to use a spare condo she owned in Rochester Hills so we’d be about equal distance to my brother’s place and my mom’ s place instead of having to stay at one person’s house and make a huge trek to the other’s. We left Chicago at around 1 pm, taking a rickety-ass plane that Jason was too tall for. One hour and one time change later, we arrived to gloriously awful Detroit weather. While taking a shuttle ride to the Enterprise lot, my phone rang. Me: “Hello?” Mom: “Where are you.” (It was more of a statement than a question.) Me: “I’m on a shuttle bus heading to pick up our rental car.” Mom: “Oh, okay. Weather really bad! You be careful.” Me: “I will.” Mom: “You know how to get to apaht-ment?” Me: “Yeah, I can just use my phone.” Mom: “Is really easy.” She started rattling off about 28 steps’ worth of directions. My mom does this all the time–she’ll give me step-by-step directions for something, whether it’s to a destination or for a recipe, without warning as I’m sitting there with no pen or paper, wondering if she just expects me to commit it all to memory. She repeats the lengthy directions again for good measure. I thanked her to be polite and said we’d see her in a little bit. Fifteen minutes later, as I was driving on the freeway slowly making my way to Rochester, my phone rang again. Me: “Hello?” Mom: “Where are you.” Me: “I’m still on the freeway, it’s only been like 15 minutes.” Mom: “Okay…call when you get off freeway and I’ll get the mandu started. I don’t want to cook too soon!” This cycle repeated a couple more times: Mom would wait roughly five minutes before calling me and asking where I was, then...