The ‘Iron Race’ Legitimized Via Wheel of Fortune

Last week I was working when my mom called. I had just spent a few days in Las Vegas so I figured she was calling me up to see how the trip went. We had just missed each other by a day–my mom was visiting her mother-in-law in Arizona and took a short trip to Las Vegas while she was there, but she had left on Sunday and I arrived in Vegas on Monday for work. (I imagine it would be both hilarious and exhausting to spend time with my mom in Sin City–on one hand, gambling with her would undoubtedly be amusing; on the other hand, I could easily see her getting crabbier and crabbier upon having to walk further than 50 feet at a time, and considering how huge and sprawling the casinos are, I’d probably have to resort to making a mom papoose and carrying her through the city like a joey).

As usual, the phone call was full of gems:

Mom: “Hi honeyyyyy! Just calling to see you back from Vay-gus.”

Me: “Yeah, I got back yesterday.”

Mom: “Good trip? You work hard?”

Me: “Yeah, it was good. Got a lot done.”

Mom: “That’s good. Good! How’s weather in Seattle?”

Me: “Eh, kind of rainy and overcast. I guess on Tuesday it was really bad–slow and slush. Thankfully, I was in Las Vegas so I missed it.”

Mom: “Ohhhhh yeah. It’s cold here in Meechygan. Weather so bad I stay home knitting my pants.” Apparently my mom’s latest hobby is knitting and crocheting, and she has taken to knitting herself entire wardrobe ensembles. Because, you know, knitted pants are all the rage.

Me, chuckling: “I really need to see these pants you’re working on.”

Mom, proud: “I already knit a pair! Black pants. I wearing them now! I don’t wanna take ’em off!”

Me, smiling: “Of course you don’t.”

Mom: “…anyway, I’m watching uh Wheel of Fortune.  There’s a purple shirt girl.”

Me: “Okay…”
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Mom: “…and Pat Sajack say ‘What you do,’ and she said, “I just finish i-urn race.’ Same as you!”

Me, laughing: “Oh, really?” The fact that my mom has finally remembered this whole “iron race” thing could quite possibly be my proudest moment as her daughter.

Mom: “Yeah! 2 mile swimming, hundred bike, all that.” She doesn’t quite have the distances nailed down and forgot the run, but hey, baby steps!

Me: “That’s cool.”

Mom: “…and Pat Sajak said, ‘Wow, tell me how to do cuz i’m gonna get into it.’ Ha-ha-ha!” Oh, how my mom loves to mock the Sajack.

Me: “Nice!”

Mom: “Purple shirt girl talking about i-urn race and I think, ‘Whoa man, my little baby’s doing that!”

Me: “Aww…”

Mom: “…it’s dangerous.” (Matter-of-fact) Yeah.”

Me: “Well…”

Mom: “Okay, sweetie! I love you! tell Jason we say hi, we love him too. Bye.” [hangs up]

Me: “Wat.”

I’m still trying to wrap my head around this one. I’m just happy my mom finally sort of gets the effort and difficulty that goes along with training for and racing an Ironman…even if it did take an episode of Wheel of Fortune to get through to her.