Mom Reacts to My Second Ironman Signup

Last year I did my first Ironman despite my mom’s protest that I was “gonna die,” and this year I drove up to Penticton, British Columbia to watch my friends do the race and to sign up for 2012. When I got back home, I called my mom and debated telling her about my plans to do the race again (since she was less than thrilled about me doing it the first time around). I ended up calling her and tried to ease it into the conversation.

Mom: “Hi honeyyyyy! What you doing?”

Me: “Not much, what are you up do?”

Mom: “I watching ‘American Got Talent.'” (She always calls it that, as if the show is about one dude who can do something somewhat interesting.)

Me: “I was out of town in Canada this past weekend.”

Mom: “Oh, Vancouver?”

Me: “No, Penticton.”

Mom: “Pen…ton?”

Me: “Penticton, British Columbia. It’s where that race I did last year was.”

Mom: “Oh.”

Me: “I was watching my friends do the race this year.”

Mom: “Ah, I see. How they do?”

Me: “For the most part they did really well. It was really hot out, like mid-90s, so it was a tough day.”

Mom: “My gahhhhh. 90s? It’s hot and humid here in Meechygan lately too! Peppers suffer from heat.”

Me: “…so you’re still doing the pepper thing, huh?”

Mom: “Yeah, is good exercise! I got nothing else to do all day. What, I can’t vacuum, clean house every day! Peppers give me something to do! But Mommy getting old, I get tired working at farm all day. Before I work eight hours no problem, but now I get tired.”
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Me: “…so speaking of exercise, I signed up to the Ironman again next year.”

Mom: “Oh my gahhhh, you doing another Macho Man race?!”

Me, struggling not to laugh: “It’s called an Ironman, and yeah, I’m doing another one. I take it you won’t come and watch because of the peppers?”

Mom: “No, no, I can’t watch. They have to take me to hospital.”

Me: “What, why?”

Mom: “I wait around all day and worry, they have to take me to hospital!”

Me: “You wouldn’t have to worry about me, I’ve already survived one. Plus, I’m in good shape so I’ll be able to finish it no problem. I want you there so you can support me and so you’ll be proud of me.”

Mom: “I already proud of you! You don’t need to do Iron race, I already tell my friends I proud of you.”

Me: “Well I want you to be proud of me for doing this race. It’s a big deal and I train a lot, so I want you to brag to your friends about how tough I am because I do all these Ironman races.”

Mom: …”I dunno…”

Me: “What if I did an Ironman in Tempe, Arizona in 2013. Would you fly out and watch that?”

Mom: “Where in Air-e-jone-uh?”

Me: “It’s like 20 minutes from Phoenix.”

Mom: “…I dunno…we have to see. We see about Iron race.”

And thus the seed has been planted…