Mom Explains What a GPS Is

I was working one chilly Monday morning when my phone rang. I looked down. The caller ID said “Mom” so I picked up, wondering where this call would rank on the “amusing/terrifying” meter.

Me: “Hello?”

Mom: “Hi honey, you still sleeping?”

Me: “What? No, I’m working.” It’s 11:15 am on a weekday. Really, Mom?

Mom: “What you and Jason want for Christmas?”

Me: “Well–”

Mom, interrupting: “I just send money. Is too hard send you gifts! Expensive. Post office pain in the ass.” Nice of her to ask what I wanted before immediately throwing in the towel and basically saying “Eff it, you get cash.”

Me: “That’s okay, I understand. Thanks!”

Mom: “You have Bank of America?”

Me: “As a bank? No.”

Mom: “Oh. If you have Bank of America I can put in you account instead of sending check. I do that for Mia and Gene. They have Bank of America.” Her tone suggested that I may have failed her as a child for not having an account through Bank of America.

Me: “Sorry.”

Mom: “”It’s okay, I mail to you.”

generic viagra australia Do them all whether they seem dumb or not. Diabetes increases the risk of many cardiovascular diseases including coronary artery disease, heart attack, chest pain (angina), stroke, high blood pressure (hypertension) and narrowing of arteries (atherosclerosis). you can check here cialis prescription Sex burns around viagra sales france 5 calories in a minute. Don’t be afraid to try a new trap and learn from them not just the definition of this alternative medicine, but also how these professionals could safely perform their various adjustments. viagra canada mastercard Me: “What do you and Kurt want for Christmas?”

Mom: “Oh, I don’t know. Nothing. John say get…navigation?”

Me: “What?”

Mom: “Navigation. For driving.”

Me: “A GPS?”

Mom: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s what you want for Christmas?” I had a hard time believing that Mom would want something that technologically complex (and yes, I realize a GPS system isn’t technologically complex, but we’re talking about my mother here).

Mom: “Well one time I try to get to Ann Arbor and ask John, and John say it’s too hard to tell me. He say I should get gee-pee-ess. He say he buy one for me but never did.”

Me: “Oh…” I really couldn’t picture my mom using a navigational system properly without getting frustrated and uttering several “Oh my gahhhhhh, this thing so stu-pud!”

Mom: “Kuhrt have old one.”

Me: “You guys already have one?”

Mom: “Is old one. Newer one they talk to you, tell you. I think. I’m not sure. I don’t know.”

At this point I was picturing the inevitable car crash immediately following Mom testing out her new GPS for the first time. I’m thinking a gift card would be better this year.