Last week I was working when my mom called. I had just spent a few days in Las Vegas so I figured she was calling me up to see how the trip went. We had just missed each other by a day–my mom was visiting her mother-in-law in Arizona and took a short trip to Las Vegas while she was there, but she had left on Sunday and I arrived in Vegas on Monday for work. (I imagine it would be both hilarious and exhausting to spend time with my mom in Sin City–on one hand, gambling with her would undoubtedly be amusing; on the other hand, I could easily see her getting crabbier and crabbier upon having to walk further than 50 feet at a time, and considering how huge and sprawling the casinos are, I’d probably have to resort to making a mom papoose and carrying her through the city like a joey). As usual, the phone call was full of gems: Mom: “Hi honeyyyyy! Just calling to see you back from Vay-gus.” Me: “Yeah, I got back yesterday.” Mom: “Good trip? You work hard?” Me: “Yeah, it was good. Got a lot done.” Mom: “That’s good. Good! How’s weather in Seattle?” Me: “Eh, kind of rainy and overcast. I guess on Tuesday it was really bad–slow and slush. Thankfully, I was in Las Vegas so I missed it.” Mom: “Ohhhhh yeah. It’s cold here in Meechygan. Weather so bad I stay home knitting my pants.” Apparently my mom’s latest hobby is knitting and crocheting, and she has taken to knitting herself entire wardrobe ensembles. Because, you know, knitted pants are all the rage. Me, chuckling: “I really need to see these pants you’re working on.” Mom, proud: “I already knit a pair! Black pants. I wearing them now! I don’t wanna take ’em off!” Me, smiling: “Of course you don’t.” Mom: “…anyway, I’m watching uh Wheel of Fortune.  There’s a purple shirt girl.” Me: “Okay…” The blood is gushed into the penis and does not go very discount viagra far. The doctor has two methods of determining pain during an examination for fibromyalgia, digital palpation and the use a dolorimetry (an instrument used to measure pain...

Mom doesn’t typically offer up her opinion of people, but when she does it’s often quite amusing. Recently my brother John emailed me with a random Mom gem. He said he was chatting with her on the phone when, without warning, she started to inexplicably rant about today’s youth. Apparently she was out running errands when a couple of teenage girls entered the establishment. Mom: “Then girl show up. My gahhhh. She show up, show off belly so proud. She wear shirt that only cover nipple! Then another girl show up. My gahhh! Why teenagers always want titty contest?!?!?” Herbal erection oil for men and the herbal pills helps to get wholesale sildenafil strong erection naturally. The sex pills for men will allow you to enhance their sexual overall performance, which may be used beneath the clinical supervision. most medicines available for reinforcing sexual performance are prescription based totally, so you need to quit alcohol, if you don’t want to see your penis shrinking. buy generic sildenafil Blood flow is enthused with straight contact on line cialis to the penis. This effect of Sildenafil eases the work load on viagra in the uk right ventricle thus reducing the intimacy momentum. I don’t know, Mom, your guess is as good as...

Quite randomly, I received an email from a PR rep who was promoting Korean food maker CJ‘s new line of pantry items. Called “CJ Bibigo,” they include sauces, pastes, seasonings, and snacks. It’s not the first time I’ve been offered free goodies for blogging–my boyfriend and I used to write for a food site and scored free samples of See’s Candies for an obscenely long time period. However, I was especially geeked out to get a bunch of sample Korean food because 1. I love Korean food, obviously, and 2. I wanted to hear how my mom would react. The problem was that my mom still doesn’t know about this blog, so I was going to have to figure out how to explain that I got a bunch of free Korean food samples without spilling the beans about MKM (not that I think she’d be upset or angry if she found out; I just think it’s more amusing that she doesn’t know about it for now). I received my package of free goodies and called my mom to share the good news. Me: “So you know how I do a lot of writing for work?” Mom: “Yeah.” Me: “Well, I got contacted by a Korean food company because, uh, I’m Korean and I write…so, uh, they sent me a bunch of free samples.” Mom: “Oh yeah?” Me: “Yeah, it’s pretty cool, I got a lot of stuff.” Mom: “Ohhh…” [laughing] ‘Wowwww!” She was incredulous. “What kind?” Me: “CJ Bibigo.” Mom: ” Ohhhh, CJ is good! CJ is best quality food company!” I started laughing really hard. Me: “Really?” Mom: “Yeah, best brand. Other brands okay but CJ is top. Man, I wish I were there!” A note to CJ foods: you couldn’t have asked for a more singing, unprompted endorsement than the one my mom gave over the phone. Me: “So you could sample the food with me?” Mom: “Yeah. How you get again? How they send to you?” Me: “Uh…you know, because I write. They saw some of my writing.” Mom: “Where they see?” Me: “Online…” Quick, change the subject! “You wanna hear what I got?” Mom: “Yeah, what’d you get?” I ran through the list of products....

Recently I called Mom to wish her a happy new year. During our call, I brought up North Korean leader Kim Jong-il’s death to see what she thought about it. Me: “What do you think about Kim Jong-il dying?” Mom: “Good. I happy.” Me: “Yeah?” Mom: “Yeah, he terrible. Good that he’s dead.” Me: “What do you think’s going to happen to North Korea now?” Mom: “His son in charge now.” Me: “Yeah, Kim Jong-un.” Fatty cheap no prescription cialis food must be avoided as it suppresses the action of this enzyme over the smooth muscles. Within the heart, there are two areas where on line cialis valsonindia.com cardiac nerve fibers originate. However, even your good friends make an effort to require in criminal offense (erotic harassment, buy cialis sequence snatching) from you. Exercising Daily An individual involved in to the hard physical work, has levitra sale to pump harder so that oxygen can be supplied in every organ of the man. Mom, disgusted: “His son’s smart aleck. He think he’s tough, he knows it all, he think he got power.” Me, laughing: “What?” Mom, defiant: “I could kick his ass.” Me, laughing even harder: “WHAT?!” Mom: “Smart mouth. He think he knows it all. He think he’s smarter than his father. Without experience, he try to be hot shot. South Korea afraid he’s gonna do something just for the heck of it, young kid’s mind. You know how you kids do when you younger.” Me: “I never thought to start a war with another country!” Mom, scowling: “You know what I...

One of the things my mom likes to do every time I come to visit (other than stuff me full of food) is to pluck something out of her closet and try to give it to me (since she loves to give people clothes, whether or not they actually fit the recipient). She always has something that’s either newly purchased or bought but never worn that sits in her room awaiting my next visit. When I flew to Michigan in October, she tried to pawn a few things onto me. Mom: “You wear skuht [skirt]?” Me: “Uh, well, I guess if I’m going somewhere nice maybe I’ll wear–” Mom: “Good! Now you lost weight, I have skuht for you.” She disappeared into her bedroom, my boyfriend laughing at the backhanded remark. I sighed and assumed that my mom has been itching to gift this incredible piece of clothing to me but was forced to wait until I lost 15 pounds. She emerged with a black poly-nylon knee-length skirt. The front had some sort of jeweled gathering. It looked very much unlike something I’d wear (I work from home, so “dressing up” for me is putting on jeans and a sweater). Mom: “See? Nice, right?” Me: “Uh, I guess I’ll try it on.” I went into the bathroom and yanked on the skirt. It smelled like a Korean lady blend of sweet-scented perfume and vague spices and had a Korean label I couldn’t read. I checked myself out in the mirror to see how it looked and was dismayed to see that the fit of the skirt resulted in the complete disappearance of my ass. I didn’t think it was possible for an article of clothing to actually give you the Asian No-Butt look, but this skirt managed to succeed. I trotted out, looking like Ralphie in the pink bunny suit. Mom: “You look nice!” Me: “I dunno know, it fits kind of weird…” Mom: “Noooo, it’s supposed to look like that! Very nice.” Me: “Uh, well…Jas?” I looked over at Jason, desperate for some help here. Jason, uneasy: “It’s…not something you generally wear.” He had also noted the Flat Butt Syndrome. Mom: “Okay, I have other things.” She disappeared...